For the price of a dime I can always turn to you

You know how when you go to the supermarket they always have their affinity card programs — QFC Advantage, Safeway Club, Fred Meyer Rewards, et cetera?

I don't have any.

Don't get me wrong, I love to not spend more money, but when those cards were first becoming The Thing, it was around the time I was moving a lot. It was before I got a cell phone too, so my phone number changed every year, and I would always lose the cards and while you can input your phone number as well, I could never remember what the number I'd used at any particular store.

At some point, annoyed and saturated with VH1, I inputted 867-5309, which — surprise! — worked perfectly. And ya know, it has worked ever since, for years.

The customer name at each store is different too. Someone different has taken the time to fake number each and every grocery store around here. And I appreciate that. Today at Safeway, I was Mrs. Burcio.

Nice to meet you.