It was exciting to me, anyway

So I did the most exciting thing today on my way home:

I went to Office Depot and purchased a Scotch Packaging Tape Dispenser ST-181. Now, this may not seem exciting to you, but I started my new gig today, and at my old gig, we had one of these babies, and it was just completely B.A. I mean, seriously B.A.

This new gig does not feature an ST-181, so much as it annoys me with generic office supply store brand tape guns. These do not please me. Now, I could have waited to get in good with the supply ordering person to get them to get me one of these, but that would have entailed much waiting. Waiting on the order of:

1) Get in good with the supply person
2) Waiting for the next ordering cycle to come around.
3) Waiting for it to be processed and shipped.

And the Generic Brand generic tape guns displease me so much, that it's worth oodles and oodles of dollars to me to simply have one for myself (also known as $22.99 plus tax). Plus, this way I can take it to any new gig and guarantee myself a happy tape gunning experience.

So I went into the Office Depot and accosted the first employee I found.

"Excuse me, sir," I said, for I am unfailingly polite in all situations (heh), "Could you show me where the tape guns are? Because I need a B.A. one. Like, a seriously B.A. one."

He said, "Well, I don't know about B.A., but I can show you where the tape guns are."

He took me over and showed me the tape guns, and I despaired, seeing only poor imitations and generic brand tape guns in shrinkwrap-type packaging. But then, I spied the bright red plaid of glory!

"This," said I, "is a seriously B.A. tape gun on the order I need," and snatched it right up.

He seemed a bit tickled, leaned over and whispered, "You know, I use one of those. The other guys, they use the store ones," he said, gesturing to the non-B.A. tape guns that lay there on their non-B.A. ghetto of a shelf.

I assured him he was Doing The Right Thing, and took my ST-181 to the register, where the cashier most certainly did not share my enthusiasm for cellulose and fixitive dispensing machinery.

. . .

Now, you might ask, what makes the ST-181 so badass?

It's the gestalt of the thing, really. The braking mechanism is adjustable, of course, but it is on most tape guns. However, unlike most tape guns, the ST-181's mechanism has never come loose nor frozen up on me when I needed to adjust it (as one does when one is starting or ending a roll of tape) for maximum comfort.

The blade is retractable, which also makes it a very safe thing for me to be around. In fact, the blade (which is very extremely fucking sharp, mind you) is retracted all the time, with the exception of when one presses down on what I like to call the "smoothing flange". I'm sure it has a name, but I have no idea what it is. Suffice it to say that the blade stays undercover until you press down and start to pull, and then it springs into action like a skilled samurai of packing and/or shipping. It's an immensely intuitive system — so much so that I didn't realize the blade was actually retracted until I'd dropped it on my foot a couple times and noticed there were no sharp pokies through the canvas upper of my shoe.

The roller is smoooooth!

That little metal tongue thing that usually sits against the roller and guides the tape through snaps aside and way out of your way when you are threading a new roll of tape in. It's amazing. I've gone through feet of tape on a roll before with bad tape guns because it would get stuck in the too small passage and twist on itself before I could get it on right.

And last but not least, there is the "Soft Touch Pistol Grip". Mmm, ergonomically delicious.

If anyone is planning on moving, shipping a bunch of stuff (Christmas is coming, right?) or anything that will involve using a lot of wide tape, I highly highly recommend that you acquire one of these.

Deja Vu

On April 10th of this year, I wrote:


Happy last day at work day!

So today is my last day at this store, and starting tomorrow I'll be down at my old/new store for my awesome new job. I have to say that I didn't expect my tenure at this store to be so short.

I did only start working here four months ago.

Life moves quickly sometimes. The last day at my new/old store brought them delicious Top Pot doughnuts, so they would miss me and scheme to get me promoted back to that store. And hey, it worked!

Today, I am bringing honey oatmeal cookies (with mini chocolate chips!) to my current/last day store, so they will miss me and scheme to get me promoted back again.

Heh.

Forget working hard and being smart and attractive. Baked goods will get you where you want to go every time.


I could make just a couple changes and repost this today like so:


Happy last day at work day!

So today was my last day at this store, and starting Monday I'll be down at my old/new store for my awesome new job. I have to say that I didn't expect my tenure at this store to be so short.

I did only start working here four months ago.

Life moves quickly sometimes. The last day at my new/old store I brought them delicious honey oatmeal cookies (with mini chocolate chips!), so they would miss me and scheme to get me promoted back to that store. And hey, it worked!

Today, I am brought Top Pot doughnuts to my current/last day store, so they will miss me and scheme to get me promoted back again.

Heh.

Forget working hard and being smart and attractive. Baked goods will get you where you want to go every time.


I mean, I know life can be cyclical, but this is a tad ridiculous, don't you think?

Word play (part II)

So a guy hires a contractor to lay out a sprinkler system for him. It all goes well, and he has a wonderfully beautiful green lawn all summer, conservation be damned.

The next spring, he starts to think big. Perhaps some nice rolling hills spread across his giant lawn? Maybe a well? A fountain? Who knows! The sky's the limit when it comes to having the nicest yard on the block.

So he hires the same contractor to do some landscaping work for him. But, in his excitement, he doesn't check they guy's areas of expertise, or whether he's bonded, or whether he hires 3-inch-tall little green mutants to work for him, or whether he knows any of his stuff at all. Usually, this isn't a problem. The non-bonded, sketchy contractor usually does an OK job, and his customers are usually reasonably happy.

But not on this good day.

Today, some of his helpers will have begun the process of gathering leaves with their gardening implements, when they will hit the principal water pipe supplying all the sprinklers with water with the sharp point of one of their tools. This will cause a large geyser of water to shoot out from the ground, laying bare the contractor's poor workmanship and planning on two counts.

The guy will not notice, however, as he will be focused on the huge cascade of water and the way the contractor's workers are just staring dumbly up at the sky, their piercing tools still imbedded in the plastic pipe.

In a fir of fury, that man will yell, "Hey! That's enough! I want those motherfucking rakes off my motherfucking main!"

Poor wordplay (part I?)

Jim and Bob shifted in their seats uneasily as Jerry proposed a wager over their game of Monopoly and Steve glared silently at him.

"Come on, guys, a friendly little wager will be fun," he said.

"Look, this here is Steve's house, and he don't cater to no gambling," said Jim. "I gotta respect that."

Bob nervously nodded his assent, and Steve continued to glare.

"We can overrule him, even if it is his stupid house and his stupid game!" insisted Jerry.

"That's it!" hollered Steve, pounding his fist on the table and rising in fury. "I've told you over and over that gambling is not allowed in this house, no matter how small the bets or over what kind of silly game!"

As Jim and Bob looked on in horror, he continued:

"I want these motherfucking stakes off my motherfucking game!"

"Yeah, babies everywhere!"

Today I attended a lovely baby shower in honor of Angie and the Unborn Child Living in Angie. (Hi, U.C.L.A.! *waves* )

I got there über-late, as 12:55 p.m. was the time at which I woke up and realized I needed to be there, for the shower started at 1 p.m.

Uh-oh.

I don't exactly set my alarm on the weekends, and now I realize the folly of my ways. Luckily, the shower was taking place a mere 40-odd miles away, so I was only an hour late.

I missed some of the food, but I got there in time for the games.

It was a good thing I got there for the games, since I kicked the living crap out of the competition. (All in good fun, right?)

I got 11 out of 14 of the "Guess What Kind of Baby Thingy Is In This Paper Bag" competition and totally won the "Make Your Own Baby Out Of Play-Doh!" sculpture contest and only failed miserably at the What Flavor Baby Food Is This?" test.

There were five baby foods to taste. Here is what I guessed and what they supposedly were comprised of:

1) Peas. (real answer: Green Beans)
2) Apricot pudding (real answer: Bananas)
3) Squash (real answer: Squash. score!)
4) Chili Cheese Dog (real answer: Chicken and Beans (what?))
5) Tapioca pudding (real answer: Macaroni and Cheese (what-what??))

I also learned way more than I ever needed to about Butt Paste and cloth diapers and their covers.

(For the record, the amount of information I now and will ever need about these topics is exactly zero. Unless I want to impress a mom-to-be. Which doesn't happen very often. And if I really wanted to, I could just rely on my vast and ceaseless knowledge of the human reproductive system. Seriously, I know everything. Quiz me, even.)

And that is how I spent my sweltering afternoon.

Baby shower pictures here.

. . .

It was more than wonderful to get to drive out into the mountains today. I really loved that.

We need more excuses to get out to visit Jon and Anneke, methinks. Can other people please start pressuring them to have a cookout? I'll bring my croquet set and we can conquer their backyard!

Only funny to 3 other people

Today, while there was late afternoon breakfast making in the works:

Sara (to Wil): Hey, you and Mike are wearing the same shirt.
Wil: They're not exactly the same.
Sara: How are they different?
Me: Wil's has a pocket on the back.

Upcoming fun!

My workweek usually looks like this:



I certainly don't mind the 8-5 grind, and even enjoy it somewhat.

However, I also enjoy a little bit of mixing it up, and it's a good thing I do, because the week after next looks something like this:



I'm really excited in particular about the three (!) split shifts in one week. What to do during that time? Come all the way back home? Shop in the mall? Go for a hike? Bowl for four hours straight?

The sheer magnitude of possibilities before me is staggering.

Or I could just take a nap in my car.

Whichever.

My new favorite thing

Red Rectangle is a comic about the glorious resturants of the immaculate communist states of the world. It shall enlighten workers over the globe and spark a great meat-based revolution in which the proletarians will rise up and crush the elitist fancy eateries where reservations are needed."

Awesome.

Now with more Queen Anne!

On Thursday night, Dragons and I (and Guillermo, who I brought up from down south with me) went across the water to Queen Anne, where Lynn and Scott's new apartment is, for a housewarming and to deliver them a delicious bottle of wine for their new wine rack.

Their apartment is simply one of the most adorable things I have ever seen, and is easy to find parking to, which is the best thing about it. Ever. You don't notice it at first, but it's also got a fairly low ceiling, which everyone in the room but my pretty brown girl could reach. So cute.

We had some burgers, we had some wine, we had some beer, and we had some slightly sloshed poetry reading. It was most delightful.

. . .

Earlier in the day, I'd taken a late lunch so I could hang out with Aaron, who was up in the area to catch a flight out. We (along with Guillermo, who was tagging along, since he was in the mall anyway) went to the Nordstrom Cafe — my lunch date with friends standby — and feasted on crostini and assorted other delights.

A good time was had, and most importantly, I got a confirmation that he will be bringing me the most delightful coffee from San Francisco on his return. I will have to stay up late to retrieve it, but we all have to make some sacrifices, don't we?

And for coffee, it's definitely a worthwhile one.

Seattle International Beer Festival

So we went to the Seattle International Beer Festival today and it was a good time. There's nothing like drinking outside on a fine Sunday afternoon to get your spirits up and keep you going on. As it was Jake's idea, he was there, of course, and we were joined later in the afternoon by Greg, who did a fine job of drinking his share as well.

Unlike Hops on Equinox, the tasting glass was 4 oz., not six, but they gave us 15 tickets for happy hour, not 9, which is a possible 60 oz. of beer, if one were to only play the one ticket beers. Being a bit more veteran at this, we played more 2 and 3 ticket beers, with a most pleasant outcome.

Also unlike Hops on Equinox, the beers weren't all on draft. In fact, they had a lot of uncommon beers in bottles. On the one hand, it's nice to have a large selection of crazy brews to choose from, but on the other hand, as Jake made a point of saying, if we wanted to drink crazy beers from bottles, we could just go to down the street to Bottleworks — also, according to Greg, with a tasty selection of chocolates.

We had a couple bottled beers, but mostly drafts, and while I didn't take notes this time, here is my finest recollection of the tasty brews of the day (Note that some of these are labeled with the importer as well as the brewery, which may or may make them easier to find. I certainly don't know crap about it):

Schneider Weiss (Manneken-Brussel) - Shit. I totally can't remember anything about this beer. I think it was sweet-ish? I remember a favorable impression. Man, this review is going to be worthless, isn't it? Wait, I remember! It was banana-y! Or was it the one that was super gingery? Fuck. I wish I could remember which was the gingery one.

La Folie (New Belgium Brewery) - The man said it was conditioned in oak casks, and so warned me that it would have a vinegary taste to it. He wasn't goddamn kidding. It was like someone took apple cider vinegar and mixed it in my porter. I was a bit displeased about it. My translator tells me that "la folie" means "the madness". No kidding.

MYSTERY BEER (New Belgium Brewery) - Jake had a pull of this and then they were out, so we didn't get any, which was just as well, because from the sip I had of it, it tasted just like the La Folie. I don't know what the deal was with the MYSTERY BEER, but a few breweries had this, and the servers were all, "No seriously, I don't know what it is."

Dinkelacker Dark (Spaten West) - Sweet and dark and tasty. Not a porter, but I suspect it to be one of those dark ales that I adore.

18th Anniversary Pilsner (Deschutes Brewery) - You know, all pilsners taste the same to me. I don't even like them. I don't even know why I bother tasting them. Greg said the same about some other pilsner.

Sirius Cream Ale (Lagunitas Brewery) - Tasty. Even the head was tasty. Malty. Mm. I was pretty happy about it. I should try more imperial cream ales. Wait, was this the one with ginger galore? Damn.

Our Beersel Kriek (D & V International) - Cherry beer. Very very cherry. It was almost like cherry cough syrup, but it was beer. It was even red. Maybe a bit too sweet.

St. Bernadus Triple (D & V International) - Uh, I don't really remember this, but I think it was good. Maybe this was the ginger one.

Scotch de Silly (Global Beer Network) - Super sweet and malty. It was like they threw a sugar mill and a malt factory in the wort and then forgot to ferment it. 4 oz. of this stuff was more than enough. Never ever buy a pitcher.

La Gnomette (B. United International) - Another pretty sweet brew, but definitely not as sweet as the Scotch De Silly. This, you could probably split a pitcher with three friends, but I wouldn't go any further than that. Lighter, but felt heavy going down.

Hitachino Japanese Classic ( B. United International) - Cedary. It's actually made with cedar and the taste really comes through and hits you. Drink a few pints and you'll be immune to the ravages of moths.

Kasteel Triple (Wetten Importers) - It was tasty. Another worthless review.

Lindemans Peche (Merchant Du Vin) - We've had many bottle of this fine fine lambic, but there is something about trying the draft. Fresh! and tasty!

Ginger Spiced Mead (Mountain Meadows Meadery) - This was a very gingery mead (but not the beer I'm trying to remember) and quite tasty.

Kastelanski Mead (Stawski Importers) - This was so imbued with the very soul of honey, it was like a thousand bees screamed little deaths with every sip. But it wasn't too sweet, I don't think. But I expect meads to be sweet, so mmm.

Okocim Porter (Stawski Importers) - You know how much I love porters, and even though it was a hot day, I had to try one. It was really good stuff, and I was quite pleased with it.

We also had some quite delicious barbecue and bratwursts. There was a much more satisfactory food situation at this brewfest than the other we attended earlier this year. It's too bad that the Summer Brewfest got cancelled this year. it would've been another great one to go to.

At least there's the Fremont Oktoberfest to still look forward to.

And here's a third sentence in a row I've ended a preposition with. Hey!

Superman Returns

Can I just say that the guy they found to play Superman is just about goddamn perfect? He's so pretty, I almost can't believe that's a real person. Perhaps the reason they had so many visual effects teams working on the film was to concoct this dream of a beautiful man?

And yet the IMDB claims he's real, born a few days before me, but thousands of miles away. Dreamy!

Sadly, it appears his natural eye color is brown, which is unfortunate because he looks about twelve times more beautiful with blue eyes.

Here's hoping Superman Returns does incredibly well at the box office (how could it not?) and I get to see more pretty boys on the big screen.

Also, Jimmy Olsen? Not pretty, but very very well cast.

. . .

Now, I'm not what you would call a "comic book fan" or anything of the sort, so I am most unfamiliar with Superman canon, but what is the deal with Lois Lane and her cigarettes? (I suppose that if you haven't seen the movie, this could be considered spoilerriffic, but you're a big kid and can skip ahead if you want)

We first discover she's packing after her Richard and the boy go downstairs to get some food and she decides to go too and her purse falls open and her shit just spills everywhere. She goes up on the roof to "get some air" and lights up, or attempts to, but she can't — because Superman keeps blowing out her lighter.

He says, "You really shouldn't smoke," which kind of freaks her out because a) she thought she was alone, and b) apparently her bad habit was a secret.

At this point, with her being mad at him for leaving and then showing up again, and being very stressed out, if she was really a smoker, do you think her reaction would be:

a) Say, "Fuck off, ok? It's none of your goddamn business, jerkface," and then wait until he leaves to light up in frustration.
b) Light up anyway and just sort of stare at him, smoking.
c) Reconsider and put away the accoutrements of doom to have a fairly civil conversation with the Man of Steel.

Depending on the type of woman she is, either a) or b) can be considered realistic answers. Anyone who chose c) has obviously not fully taken into account the horror of being in love, getting pregnant, and then having the father disappear for five years, only to just waltz back into your life during a horrible plane crash, and then expect things to be OK between you.

I mean, come on!

But she puts it away.

Which says to me, maybe she just now took up the habit because Superman came into town. It also says that she used to smoke at some previous point in her life and was re-upping the habit. But Lois Lane, smoker isn't canon, is it?

At the end of the movie, Lois Lane walks outside of her house, late at night, to light up and ponder the momentous events of the past week. She put the cigarette in her lips, flicks the lighter, pauses, staring at the flickering, beckoning flame, and then puts it down. Then she hears her son (why can't I remember the kid's name?) calling goodnight to Superman out of his window.

She turns around and there he is. It's sure a good thing she didn't light up and send a bad message to her kid, right? It's a solid no smoking message in a solid good family movie.

And that's all Superman Returns is, isn't it? It's a family movie, with good looking people doing good deeds, and staving off bad habits. That explains the dialogue and the acting, surely.

And also, Parker Posey. I heart Parker Posey.

. . .

In other Superman Returns related news, how much does is suck to be Richard? Does he even think the kid is his kid? I mean, he's got this fiancee who doesn't actually seem to be all that into him, truth be told, and suddenly her ex comes back into town and their lives in a big way.

And her ex is fuckin' Superman.

There's no way he can compete with that. You can totally see the jealousy in his heart and how he tries to pull it back, but it's there. And it'll always be eating away at him. Not to mention that it's completely obvious that Superman is still head over heels in love with his girl.

That's gotta mess with your head.

Poor Richard.

If they make a sequel, you just know he's going to die in some horrible accident that Superman was powerless to stop for whatever reason, but Superman will feel intensely guilty about it anyway because now he finally has another chance with Lois.

You know it's true.