Superman Returns

Can I just say that the guy they found to play Superman is just about goddamn perfect? He's so pretty, I almost can't believe that's a real person. Perhaps the reason they had so many visual effects teams working on the film was to concoct this dream of a beautiful man?

And yet the IMDB claims he's real, born a few days before me, but thousands of miles away. Dreamy!

Sadly, it appears his natural eye color is brown, which is unfortunate because he looks about twelve times more beautiful with blue eyes.

Here's hoping Superman Returns does incredibly well at the box office (how could it not?) and I get to see more pretty boys on the big screen.

Also, Jimmy Olsen? Not pretty, but very very well cast.

. . .

Now, I'm not what you would call a "comic book fan" or anything of the sort, so I am most unfamiliar with Superman canon, but what is the deal with Lois Lane and her cigarettes? (I suppose that if you haven't seen the movie, this could be considered spoilerriffic, but you're a big kid and can skip ahead if you want)

We first discover she's packing after her Richard and the boy go downstairs to get some food and she decides to go too and her purse falls open and her shit just spills everywhere. She goes up on the roof to "get some air" and lights up, or attempts to, but she can't — because Superman keeps blowing out her lighter.

He says, "You really shouldn't smoke," which kind of freaks her out because a) she thought she was alone, and b) apparently her bad habit was a secret.

At this point, with her being mad at him for leaving and then showing up again, and being very stressed out, if she was really a smoker, do you think her reaction would be:

a) Say, "Fuck off, ok? It's none of your goddamn business, jerkface," and then wait until he leaves to light up in frustration.
b) Light up anyway and just sort of stare at him, smoking.
c) Reconsider and put away the accoutrements of doom to have a fairly civil conversation with the Man of Steel.

Depending on the type of woman she is, either a) or b) can be considered realistic answers. Anyone who chose c) has obviously not fully taken into account the horror of being in love, getting pregnant, and then having the father disappear for five years, only to just waltz back into your life during a horrible plane crash, and then expect things to be OK between you.

I mean, come on!

But she puts it away.

Which says to me, maybe she just now took up the habit because Superman came into town. It also says that she used to smoke at some previous point in her life and was re-upping the habit. But Lois Lane, smoker isn't canon, is it?

At the end of the movie, Lois Lane walks outside of her house, late at night, to light up and ponder the momentous events of the past week. She put the cigarette in her lips, flicks the lighter, pauses, staring at the flickering, beckoning flame, and then puts it down. Then she hears her son (why can't I remember the kid's name?) calling goodnight to Superman out of his window.

She turns around and there he is. It's sure a good thing she didn't light up and send a bad message to her kid, right? It's a solid no smoking message in a solid good family movie.

And that's all Superman Returns is, isn't it? It's a family movie, with good looking people doing good deeds, and staving off bad habits. That explains the dialogue and the acting, surely.

And also, Parker Posey. I heart Parker Posey.

. . .

In other Superman Returns related news, how much does is suck to be Richard? Does he even think the kid is his kid? I mean, he's got this fiancee who doesn't actually seem to be all that into him, truth be told, and suddenly her ex comes back into town and their lives in a big way.

And her ex is fuckin' Superman.

There's no way he can compete with that. You can totally see the jealousy in his heart and how he tries to pull it back, but it's there. And it'll always be eating away at him. Not to mention that it's completely obvious that Superman is still head over heels in love with his girl.

That's gotta mess with your head.

Poor Richard.

If they make a sequel, you just know he's going to die in some horrible accident that Superman was powerless to stop for whatever reason, but Superman will feel intensely guilty about it anyway because now he finally has another chance with Lois.

You know it's true.